Types of Bad Kissers:
The Biter:
They start out slow, they give you a soft kiss in the beginning and just when you let down your guard and relax your lips they will suck your lips into their mouth and bite down hard on them. Ouch! It is painful to say the least. It would be ok if they do it once in a while when you’re really turned on. But if experiencing sharp pain each time you kiss isn’t what you want set the ground rules. However some biters cannot be cured. Like the one biter I dated. He agreed to let me slap him hard every time he bit my lips…but it turned out that he liked biting so much that he endured the hardest slaps and carried on munching on my mouth. Time to move on, big tooth.
The Licker:
This is the guy who is probably new to sex or hasn’t scored too many girls in his dating past. He may even be a nerd who thinks Math Olympiads are the most fun he’s ever had. He gives more attention to the area around your lips, the chin in particular than your lips. You close in for a kiss and he plants a perfunctory one on your pucker before he brings out the licker. He swishes your chin with his tongue in strokes that would put your windshield wipers to shame. He focuses everywhere but the lips, covering your face with his saliva. Each time you try to nudge him back to your lips he goes there for a moment only to return to his licking. This guy is better off making out with an icecream bar, instead of a real live girl.
The Sandpaperer:
He thinks his stubble is sexy, so he never bothers to shave. That is bad to begin with but he also likes to rub his cheek hard against your face till your skin feels like sandpaper. One instance with this guy, and my face broke out in a red rash from the constant rough action, even make up could not cover it and I had to hide my face from the world till it subsided. Kiss him only if you can afford a vacation from work the next couple of days.
The Gagger:
This guy starts focusing on your lips, but soon he wants to do the deep dive pushing his tongue deep into your mouth until you start to gag. He really believes in letting his tongue venture where no tongue has ever gone before. When your eyes start getting wider and you start flailing your arms in desperation, he lets you come up for air before he begins again. No tongue to tongue play for this guy, he heads straight for your gullet. Steer clear, or give up as good as you get to make him realize he’s not the choking expert.
The dental hygienist:
Maybe he thinks you don’t own a toothbrush. He seems to focus on licking around your teeth repeatedly, going past the recommended 2 minutes that your toothbrush gives you. He doesn’t even change zones, he just keeps at your uppers and lowers from one side to another till he sucks up every bit of plaque in your mouth. Ughh!
Mr. Jaws:
You see teeth, you see gums, you see it all. This type of guy never closes his mouth during a kiss, it opens and that is how it remains. He probably doesn’t know what a lip to lip kiss means or maybe he is pretending his mouth is a cave with ancient stalactites and stalagmites for your tongue to explore. His passivity is thrilling the first time but soon you’re left wondering what to do with the gaping hole in front of you. If you wanted to see so much teeth and gum you’d rent Jaws again!
The Regurgitator:
Oh! He is sneaky, this one. He loves passing things from his mouth to yours. So much that he’s willing to do it sneakily. Just when you think the kiss is going well you may have a large piece of chewed up gum deposited in your mouth. Or worse, right after you’ve taken a sip out of your wine-glass and go lip to lip for a romantic kiss, he rounds his lips and deposits a thin lukewarm stream of wine mixed with his saliva into your mouth. Vintage wine turns revolting when drunk this way, but what does he care - he’s the exchanger. He’ll happily recycle water, wine, gum even, horror of horrors, other “netherly” fluids from his mouth to yours without your consent. Every time you open your mouth and close your eyes, get ready to experience unexpected foreign substances of varying tastes and consistencies regurgitated from his mouth to yours.
The Vacuum:
This is the human Dyson, he never loses suction. Not even when you want him to. He begins by sucking your lips into his mouth, and keeping them there till you forget that they ever belonged to you in the first place. For added pleasure, he will suck out all the air from you and chew on your lips intermittently and maybe reward you with a thrust from his tongue. The good? Can’t think of anything.
The Lizard:
His sharp and pointy tongue darts in an out of your mouth repeatedly and he builds up to a frenzied mini orgasm of his own leaving you completely bewildered. And usually the darting tongue is accompanies by tight lips that let nothing in their mouth. Be even more afraid of the super darter, his tongue may dart in and out of other places beside your mouth. If you don’t like slushy, spiky tongues entering your ear canal or nostrils (yes! Seriously!) avoid this one like the plague.
The Washing Machine:
He starts out well and you almost start to believe you’ve got a good one this time, until his tongue starts going round and round inside your mouth and he never pauses for a breath. You can try and pull back and get back to the earlier lip lock but his tongue is determined to clear your mouth of any debris. He’s almost like the dental hygienist except that he focuses on the inside of your teeth rather than the outside.
The Statue:
He seems to freeze like a sculpture every time he kisses you, with his head locked into position. He never moves his head or varies his posture and makes you think he’s had a bucket of liquid nitrogen poured over his head.
The Drooler:
This guy slobbers all over your face like a hound dog. There is nothing really wrong with the kiss except that your hand towel would be soaking wet if you tried to wipe down your face with it during the kiss. A wet, wet and slightly slushy experience.
The Hasn’t-ever-seen-a-tic-tac-guy:
The stink from his morning breath mixed in with a vague smell of onions and garlic from last night’s gala dinner assaults your senses. He wants you to know the plain uncoated truth about his present and his past food consumption. When he opens his mouth all you can think of is how to close it for him after shoving in a handful of breath mints.
OK, not all the kisses I've known are bad. In fact, some have been wonderful, but isn't it more fun to talk about the awful Kissers?
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
New found dating pleasures, rants from 2007
I like to think of this blog as my secret diary. I don't think it gets read very often given how infrequently I post here. So it's kind of delicious and naughty to write of my adventures on a public blog which is still under wraps. It's sort of like kissing on an elevator. You never know when someone can walk in and catch you...and that's the deliciousness of it. I did kiss a lot in elevators when I was a teenager. Never had sex in an elevator considering most buildings in India are not more than 15-20 floors, too short a ride to have sex! And it was always the same person since I was with him for about 15 years before we broke up....so I have found out now that more than one can be fun...When I stepped into the dating world a couple of years ago, I thought about what turned me on in men...it's kind of strange when you have been with one person for some time you forget some of the basic things that turn you on as you adapt to the good and bad of your partner. And of course your sexual needs also evolve. Thinking about it I realized I was most comfortable with Indian men as I knew them more and could have more control. Speaking of control I realized I enjoy it...I'd always enjoyed having control...in the boardroom and in the bedroom. Strangely enough I wanted to be under but I wanted to be the one instructing my man to do exactly what I wanted. So in this beginning of another dating life I decided to get the kind of men I was looking for. Those who were more compliant to my wishes...would that lead to someone I love. Who knew...but one thing I did know. That I wanted someone who would be more docile so that I could be the commanding one in my relationship. In public, I would be the female batting her eyelashes at her man but secretly grabbing his ass. In private, I wanted to show my true color and have my man do mostly what I wanted. So I decided, that I would look for men who enjoyed being dominated. I found that such men were mostly younger...They are sweet, they get hard quick and can get hard more often and they like to be with older women such as me. There are some older men who are like that but the powerplay has to be switched a little, to give them the "man" status when they want it and make them happy so they are your willing slaves in bed. Younger men on the other hand are happy following your beck and call. For them it is an adventure with an older woman and they are oh so eager to please. So I have my dating segmentation now. When I want fun and games and a couple of good days I date a younger guy. I don't make it serious as it is never going to be. I choose carefully, guys who are aiming high in their career are the best usually. They are intelligent, motivated and fun to talk to. Their drive makes them want to excel at everything including the bedroom. And when we have our fun dates and a fun weekend together, it's best to move the relationship towards friendship. If someone sticks around and calls me again I turn into a mentor as they go on to their careers and their new love lives. That is a fulfilling relationship for me. After all, who doesn't like to plant seedlings and watch them grow? It's nice.But the con of this segment is that the guys I met have been relatively inexperienced. They don't really know how to please a woman and I teach them but it is tedious, and you don't get the fruits of the improvement. By then the relationship ends. So there is a need for the next segment. Older men. Older men are less adaptable to your wishes but some of them know what to do with a woman, not only in bed but also in public. You can feel deliciously sexy as they encircle you waist and caress you a bit in public. Younger men are often awkward and most of the times people look at you quizzically especially if you go to an "Indian" place where there are aunties and kids milling around. More about this older yet docile segment in the next post.
Indian men and the BJs
All men love a good BJ but Indian men speak of it in hushed reverent words. Mostly because many of them have just fantasized about it most of their lives. And that even includes now singles that were married before. I do not particularly fancy giving one - it's a 'job' after all - but the power is a turn on. It makes me wonder why the former wives and girl friends did not want to get this edge over their men.Since I was out in the dating world again I decided to hone my skills. After my last relationship which had ended after more than a decade I had taken a sex-sabbatical to nurse my broken heart. Which mean I had no sex for quite a few years. Now that I was dating again, I was feeling rusty and apprehensive about my power to please with my mouth. My first recruit to try my new found tactics after reading and practicing on inanimate objects was my big Tamilian. I had an array of ammo. There was the basket weave massager with warm oil. The hot and cold alternator using ice cubes. The double whip which explored the wild side. The worshipping look he gave me after was quite a thrill. Watch out Indian men, here I come armed with my new found knowledge. I will make you melt and kiss my feet! ;-)
The "biting" type of guy
Good kissers are a rare breed. My big Tamil guy I was dating certainly wasn't. It might have been lack of experience. He'd grown up in a small village near Madurai and then come to the USA. Went back to choose a "bride", got married in the month he was there and then promptly had a kid. Typical desi fashion. Now after a few years he was divorced...he said his wife cheated on him. I could not be sure if that was the real reason but he was divorced. Being a careful person I asked him to get his HIV and show me his ID so I could at least be sure he was who he said and that he did not have communicable diseases... What I did not expect was that such a mild mannered guy would be a biter...! The first time he kissed me he was gentle...did not drool too much, had nice firm lips. Drooling mouths or too soft lips always turned me off so I was glad. But just as I was getting comfortable -relaxing my lips under his and about to release my tongue from behind my teeth he sucked my lips in his mouth and bit down hard on them. Smarting with pain and anger I gave him a shove and told him to be careful. "Vary Sarry" he said and promptly did it again! I disengaged myself and told him it was time for a talk. I sat him down on the sofa and told him this was not OK and he admitted he got carried away and told me to slap his cheek if he bit me again. It was funny kissing him after that...every few minutes I would have to slap him on the cheek...he would draw back apologize and later do it again...and so it went on.... I figured the sex was OK and I was teaching him a thing or two about how to please me....so it would do for now..but Oh! for a good kisser!
The dating merry go round
So I have been on the dating merry go round for the last year ...which is one reason I never have the time to post. It's been interesting to say the least. And I am discovering that variety really is the spice of life. Having been in a long term relationship for more than a decade before I went to school it feels like a fresh breeze in my life. And along the way I have met many interesting people. So the guy I was trying to write about in the last post which I never ended..was one of the first people I met. Cute. Younger than me. And comfortable to be with. 3 dates later I'd had some good sex and was wondering if he at least approached being "the one". He claimed he had been "almost virgin" before me since he had ended his last relationship when his g.f. broke his heart long ago. Now he was 30, and looked up to me to give him a good time in bed. We did have a good time...and I was almost tempted to give him some serious thought but both of us knew we were headed in very different directions...it would have been impossible! And that's when I realized I could date people without having to pledge myself to them forever. After 3 dates we'd had fun but none of us wanted to get serious. Since this was new for me he suggested we don't call each other after the 3rd date. It felt weird to do this to someone I'd had good sex with and I did miss him but later I realized how sensible he'd been. After all what would we have talked about...we had almost nothing in common!So I went back to looking. The No.2 was nice. We met online, chatted for hours for a couple of months and then one day finally met. He drove 8 hours to see me...which was flattering. Flattering but stupid for a first date since he arrived at 1 AM and I felt almost obliged to offer him my couch...and we ended having sex almost immediately. I did break my first date rule but it did not feel strange. We had been talking for 4 hours every day for 2 months especially because I had a touring job where I was always stuck in hotels and airports and it was nice to have some to talk to while waiting for a flight or for sleep. And he always seemed to be handy. At this point there was nothing much talk about really...except try the thing we'd never even mentioned once in these hours of conversation.
Indian men and the BJs
All men love a good BJ but Indian men speak of it in hushed reverent words. Mostly because many of them have just fantasized about it most of their lives. And that even includes now singles that were married before. I do not particularly fancy giving one - it's a 'job' after all - but the power is a turn on. It makes me wonder why the former wives and girl friends did not want to get this edge over their men.Since I was out in the dating world again I decided to hone my skills. After my last relationship which had ended after more than a decade I had taken a sex-sabbatical to nurse my broken heart. Which mean I had no sex for quite a few years. Now that I was dating again, I was feeling rusty and apprehensive about my power to please with my mouth. My first recruit to try my new found tactics after reading and practicing on inanimate objects was my big Tamilian. I had an array of ammo. There was the basket weave massager with warm oil. The hot and cold alternator using ice cubes. The double whip which explored the wild side. The worshipping look he gave me after was quite a thrill. Watch out Indian men, here I come armed with my new found knowledge. I will make you melt and kiss my feet! ;-)
The "biting" type of guy
Good kissers are a rare breed. My big Tamil guy I was dating certainly wasn't. It might have been lack of experience. He'd grown up in a small village near Madurai and then come to the USA. Went back to choose a "bride", got married in the month he was there and then promptly had a kid. Typical desi fashion. Now after a few years he was divorced...he said his wife cheated on him. I could not be sure if that was the real reason but he was divorced. Being a careful person I asked him to get his HIV and show me his ID so I could at least be sure he was who he said and that he did not have communicable diseases... What I did not expect was that such a mild mannered guy would be a biter...! The first time he kissed me he was gentle...did not drool too much, had nice firm lips. Drooling mouths or too soft lips always turned me off so I was glad. But just as I was getting comfortable -relaxing my lips under his and about to release my tongue from behind my teeth he sucked my lips in his mouth and bit down hard on them. Smarting with pain and anger I gave him a shove and told him to be careful. "Vary Sarry" he said and promptly did it again! I disengaged myself and told him it was time for a talk. I sat him down on the sofa and told him this was not OK and he admitted he got carried away and told me to slap his cheek if he bit me again. It was funny kissing him after that...every few minutes I would have to slap him on the cheek...he would draw back apologize and later do it again...and so it went on.... I figured the sex was OK and I was teaching him a thing or two about how to please me....so it would do for now..but Oh! for a good kisser!
The dating merry go round
So I have been on the dating merry go round for the last year ...which is one reason I never have the time to post. It's been interesting to say the least. And I am discovering that variety really is the spice of life. Having been in a long term relationship for more than a decade before I went to school it feels like a fresh breeze in my life. And along the way I have met many interesting people. So the guy I was trying to write about in the last post which I never ended..was one of the first people I met. Cute. Younger than me. And comfortable to be with. 3 dates later I'd had some good sex and was wondering if he at least approached being "the one". He claimed he had been "almost virgin" before me since he had ended his last relationship when his g.f. broke his heart long ago. Now he was 30, and looked up to me to give him a good time in bed. We did have a good time...and I was almost tempted to give him some serious thought but both of us knew we were headed in very different directions...it would have been impossible! And that's when I realized I could date people without having to pledge myself to them forever. After 3 dates we'd had fun but none of us wanted to get serious. Since this was new for me he suggested we don't call each other after the 3rd date. It felt weird to do this to someone I'd had good sex with and I did miss him but later I realized how sensible he'd been. After all what would we have talked about...we had almost nothing in common!So I went back to looking. The No.2 was nice. We met online, chatted for hours for a couple of months and then one day finally met. He drove 8 hours to see me...which was flattering. Flattering but stupid for a first date since he arrived at 1 AM and I felt almost obliged to offer him my couch...and we ended having sex almost immediately. I did break my first date rule but it did not feel strange. We had been talking for 4 hours every day for 2 months especially because I had a touring job where I was always stuck in hotels and airports and it was nice to have some to talk to while waiting for a flight or for sleep. And he always seemed to be handy. At this point there was nothing much talk about really...except try the thing we'd never even mentioned once in these hours of conversation.
Friday, December 09, 2005
And finally I'm about to be laid!
Monday, September 19, 2005
Shedding the desi skin...
A matchmaking dot com site finally made me shed my desi skin and become more "Americanized". I signed up as a free member and soon was inundated with requests to talk to people - made me feel rather good, I have to admit. After talking to some really weird people - like the one who said in the first coversation in a thick south-Indian accent "Come to me babby..I will sow (sic) you haven (sic)"- I got smarter and used filters and blocks to get to the nice men out there...Indian men...as I was still unsure about dating an American guy. It was (and is) still out of my comfort zone to date a "real" (read white and blond) American.
One guy I met asked me out to dinner...and it turned out really nice. We met up at a street corner, he was wearing a faded white T Shirt and blue jeans and had a 5 o clock shadow on his chin and a smile on his face. I was probably a bit over dressed in my sexy black top but I was wearing jeans too and we had cocktails with shrimp at a restaurant by the river side. Then we walked around the quaint "old city" streets till we were tired and realized we wanted dinner.
We ate tacos at a Mexican joint with some margaritas and by the time we left it felt completely natural to hold hands and stroll down the riverside though it was a first date. Some days later with long conversations over phone in the night we met again - and this time we kissed. His mouth felt warm and nice. I'd forgotten what it had been like to be kissed...it felt really good. Why hadn't I done this ages ago I thought...well I could rectify that, starting now! So I came back home walking on clouds and the smile on my face would not go away. I knew I did not want any thing long term with this guy as he simply wasn't my type and we were headed in different directions in our careers - even in different cities. But for now, I just wanted to enjoy the moment.
And moments they were....he had bought a new house which he wanted me to see - it was out in the country and I went out there on a train. He was standing in the sunset at the train station and when I came down the rickety wooden stairs from the quaint station we just held hands and smiled. Yet again I wondered how it was that I could feel so comfortable with a guy I was only meeting the 3rd time. But it was a great feeling to be attracted to someone and know they were feeling the same way too. His house was beautiful - white walls and glass windows everywhere and so spic and span and new...he was comfortable in the kitchen and had made some 'dal' and rice for me...but first of course we sat down with some wine. He turned on the TV, we kicked off our shoes...the plan was I would go home after dinner....so we watched TV he slipped an arm around me and we just watched the screen for a while...I forgot to watch it some time later...as something more was creeping up...I wanted him to kiss me - oh so badly - and was afraid to start it as he would think I was too bold. But soon he obliged and for a fleeting moment I was elated and then I wanted more...for him to kiss me deeper. He had unknowingly awakened something that had been kept at bay for 6 long years...I wanted him to really kiss me now. Tongue playing with tongue - just holding each other tight and kissing till we gasped for breath. I think I was a little surprised by my passion...I had not think I was this starved..but oh I responded like a woman who has not eaten for days and sees food! --Contd.
-------------------- Tuesday, March 15, 2005
The Naked Boss
My boss goes naked every Friday, for world peace she says.
So every Friday, she strips down to nothing and take a picture of herself which she posts on her blog. The logic? If we are all naked we would not care so much about the physical aspects of each one of us and then we would stop hating ourselves and each other and that would kill our urge for strife and slowly the world would move towards peace.....A bit convoluted I say and maybe ambitious. But so like her, utterly her to do this.
She changes the color of her hair too every month, sometimes its a bright shocking blue, sometimes fuschia and then even yellow and blonde. Last I looked it was black and now its Red...I would not even begin to predict what the next color will be or what her real hair color ever was...I just wait for the next rainbow hue to appear.
The company recently fired her though because she stripped down to nothing in the supplies room and then put out pictures on the internet blog. The firm is a tech firm and this was a little too much for them, especially as she started writing about the server crashes in her blog! So now she left with her husband...and the whimsy she lent to the office is gone. It's become a sedate place again, though before she went she did convince a few people to strip along with her.
Last year she and her husand repeated their marriage vows on the beach, it was picture pretty like her wedding where she dressed everyone like fairies (just to clarify - I mean the real fairies that fly about and not the 'merry' fairy which it means nowadays), so she had wings and a white dress and her husband wore white too. Only this time on the beach the fairy prince and princess were naked. Stark naked against the golden sands without a shred of clothing. As the guests watched (clothed) the couple exchanged vows and ran naked into the sea. Some one captured them from behind, the lean muscled groom and the dimpled bride running bare-assed into the sea. Such a pretty picture it was - naughty and romantic.
She used to keep on her table. It often caused the people to remark..."Oh! so sometimes you wear clothes too!,," She left the office but I wish her well, maybe the world does need gypsies like her...Who knows?
Cast Creed and Religion and the TTM factor
So this is going to be my bigoted piece. Totally politically incorrect. Read further only if you wish to read my very 'colored' opinions.
I came to the US with an open mind but once here I have heard so much about diversity and the differences in people that now I am much more biased. My eyes have been opened to racism between the white and blacks, the religious differences between the Jewish and Christians, the turbulence between the so called 'Asians' Koreans Vs. Chinese Vs. Japanese. The difference between cultures of people from Hong Kong, Singapore and Shanghai.....the Hispanic ethos and the American Indians (who we still call 'Red Indians' in India, virtually an insult here) and last but not the least the different types of 'East Indians'. So there are Desis and Pakistanis and Bangladeshi and Srilankans all rolled into East Indians.
And contrary to the sentiment in India, the boundary lines are still the same in the U.S. ...except they are not so explicitly stated. I don't see the Hindu-Muslim Bhai Bhai spirit here any more than India. And within the Desis of course there is what I call the TTM factor personally - Telegu, Tamil and Mallu factor - there are many exceptions but the typical breed of TTMs (apologies to anyone who thinks this clubbing together is mistaken, but this is my piece!) are the software engineers who are 5:1 or 7:1, the ratio of people to houses esp in areas like New Jersey. When I put up my profile on Shaadi, little did I think that I will come across so many similar people....all most of them wanted to do after the first couple of conversations was to have cheap phone sex...It would start in a typical manner in their guttural accents..."Do you waaant to go outt with me babbby? I weel geeve youu haaven...Once I tried to go further and try the phone sex bit but the distaste and/or laughter overcame me and I could not continue....So after many such misses, I am trying to now avoid the TTM factor, I figure I can take on the GPM (Gujju/Punju/Marathi) factor now, and maybe something better will result...my fingers are crossed....Posted by Desi Gal on 02:01 AM
The dot com Shaadi...?
So I am trying out shaadi.com on a friend's recommendation who said he had met many 'great' women through it.
I put up my profile - Looking for a nice, decent Indian guy who can steal my heart ....who is a good friend and a husband...etc. etc. and waited for this mythical man to appear in my inbox.
So I get a call from a guy from Gujarat who has settled in the US. After we speak for a while I start thinking that he is pretty good when he drops the bombshell that he is divorced, his wife left him but not for a guy but a girl! Wow! I think, Indian women are surely starting to explore their sexuality...so we keep talking...and soon he starts asking me questions which seem weird to me. Like do I like looking at women, would I mind being touched by a woman etc...and I go Hey! Buddy, I am not what you are thinking....believe me I would know!!! So he stops but the next few times whenever we talk he picks up the same thread...Are you into women...till it begins to get on my nerves....So I keep steering the topic to nicer things but sure enough he is not interested.
So I do the only thing there is to do - Say a polite Goodbye to him. I almost want to say goodbye to the idea of a dot com Shaadi but I think...What the heck...let's keep trying...maybe that someone is out there!Posted by Desi Gal on 01:38 AM
Shedding the desi skin...
A matchmaking dot com site finally made me shed my desi skin and become more "Americanized". I signed up as a free member and soon was inundated with requests to talk to people - made me feel rather good, I have to admit. After talking to some really weird people - like the one who said in the first coversation in a thick south-Indian accent "Come to me babby..I will sow (sic) you haven (sic)"- I got smarter and used filters and blocks to get to the nice men out there...Indian men...as I was still unsure about dating an American guy. It was (and is) still out of my comfort zone to date a "real" (read white and blond) American.
One guy I met asked me out to dinner...and it turned out really nice. We met up at a street corner, he was wearing a faded white T Shirt and blue jeans and had a 5 o clock shadow on his chin and a smile on his face. I was probably a bit over dressed in my sexy black top but I was wearing jeans too and we had cocktails with shrimp at a restaurant by the river side. Then we walked around the quaint "old city" streets till we were tired and realized we wanted dinner.
We ate tacos at a Mexican joint with some margaritas and by the time we left it felt completely natural to hold hands and stroll down the riverside though it was a first date. Some days later with long conversations over phone in the night we met again - and this time we kissed. His mouth felt warm and nice. I'd forgotten what it had been like to be kissed...it felt really good. Why hadn't I done this ages ago I thought...well I could rectify that, starting now! So I came back home walking on clouds and the smile on my face would not go away. I knew I did not want any thing long term with this guy as he simply wasn't my type and we were headed in different directions in our careers - even in different cities. But for now, I just wanted to enjoy the moment.
And moments they were....he had bought a new house which he wanted me to see - it was out in the country and I went out there on a train. He was standing in the sunset at the train station and when I came down the rickety wooden stairs from the quaint station we just held hands and smiled. Yet again I wondered how it was that I could feel so comfortable with a guy I was only meeting the 3rd time. But it was a great feeling to be attracted to someone and know they were feeling the same way too. His house was beautiful - white walls and glass windows everywhere and so spic and span and new...he was comfortable in the kitchen and had made some 'dal' and rice for me...but first of course we sat down with some wine. He turned on the TV, we kicked off our shoes...the plan was I would go home after dinner....so we watched TV he slipped an arm around me and we just watched the screen for a while...I forgot to watch it some time later...as something more was creeping up...I wanted him to kiss me - oh so badly - and was afraid to start it as he would think I was too bold. But soon he obliged and for a fleeting moment I was elated and then I wanted more...for him to kiss me deeper. He had unknowingly awakened something that had been kept at bay for 6 long years...I wanted him to really kiss me now. Tongue playing with tongue - just holding each other tight and kissing till we gasped for breath. I think I was a little surprised by my passion...I had not think I was this starved..but oh I responded like a woman who has not eaten for days and sees food! --Contd.
-------------------- Tuesday, March 15, 2005
The Naked Boss
My boss goes naked every Friday, for world peace she says.
So every Friday, she strips down to nothing and take a picture of herself which she posts on her blog. The logic? If we are all naked we would not care so much about the physical aspects of each one of us and then we would stop hating ourselves and each other and that would kill our urge for strife and slowly the world would move towards peace.....A bit convoluted I say and maybe ambitious. But so like her, utterly her to do this.
She changes the color of her hair too every month, sometimes its a bright shocking blue, sometimes fuschia and then even yellow and blonde. Last I looked it was black and now its Red...I would not even begin to predict what the next color will be or what her real hair color ever was...I just wait for the next rainbow hue to appear.
The company recently fired her though because she stripped down to nothing in the supplies room and then put out pictures on the internet blog. The firm is a tech firm and this was a little too much for them, especially as she started writing about the server crashes in her blog! So now she left with her husband...and the whimsy she lent to the office is gone. It's become a sedate place again, though before she went she did convince a few people to strip along with her.
Last year she and her husand repeated their marriage vows on the beach, it was picture pretty like her wedding where she dressed everyone like fairies (just to clarify - I mean the real fairies that fly about and not the 'merry' fairy which it means nowadays), so she had wings and a white dress and her husband wore white too. Only this time on the beach the fairy prince and princess were naked. Stark naked against the golden sands without a shred of clothing. As the guests watched (clothed) the couple exchanged vows and ran naked into the sea. Some one captured them from behind, the lean muscled groom and the dimpled bride running bare-assed into the sea. Such a pretty picture it was - naughty and romantic.
She used to keep on her table. It often caused the people to remark..."Oh! so sometimes you wear clothes too!,," She left the office but I wish her well, maybe the world does need gypsies like her...Who knows?
Cast Creed and Religion and the TTM factor
So this is going to be my bigoted piece. Totally politically incorrect. Read further only if you wish to read my very 'colored' opinions.
I came to the US with an open mind but once here I have heard so much about diversity and the differences in people that now I am much more biased. My eyes have been opened to racism between the white and blacks, the religious differences between the Jewish and Christians, the turbulence between the so called 'Asians' Koreans Vs. Chinese Vs. Japanese. The difference between cultures of people from Hong Kong, Singapore and Shanghai.....the Hispanic ethos and the American Indians (who we still call 'Red Indians' in India, virtually an insult here) and last but not the least the different types of 'East Indians'. So there are Desis and Pakistanis and Bangladeshi and Srilankans all rolled into East Indians.
And contrary to the sentiment in India, the boundary lines are still the same in the U.S. ...except they are not so explicitly stated. I don't see the Hindu-Muslim Bhai Bhai spirit here any more than India. And within the Desis of course there is what I call the TTM factor personally - Telegu, Tamil and Mallu factor - there are many exceptions but the typical breed of TTMs (apologies to anyone who thinks this clubbing together is mistaken, but this is my piece!) are the software engineers who are 5:1 or 7:1, the ratio of people to houses esp in areas like New Jersey. When I put up my profile on Shaadi, little did I think that I will come across so many similar people....all most of them wanted to do after the first couple of conversations was to have cheap phone sex...It would start in a typical manner in their guttural accents..."Do you waaant to go outt with me babbby? I weel geeve youu haaven...Once I tried to go further and try the phone sex bit but the distaste and/or laughter overcame me and I could not continue....So after many such misses, I am trying to now avoid the TTM factor, I figure I can take on the GPM (Gujju/Punju/Marathi) factor now, and maybe something better will result...my fingers are crossed....Posted by Desi Gal on 02:01 AM
The dot com Shaadi...?
So I am trying out shaadi.com on a friend's recommendation who said he had met many 'great' women through it.
I put up my profile - Looking for a nice, decent Indian guy who can steal my heart ....who is a good friend and a husband...etc. etc. and waited for this mythical man to appear in my inbox.
So I get a call from a guy from Gujarat who has settled in the US. After we speak for a while I start thinking that he is pretty good when he drops the bombshell that he is divorced, his wife left him but not for a guy but a girl! Wow! I think, Indian women are surely starting to explore their sexuality...so we keep talking...and soon he starts asking me questions which seem weird to me. Like do I like looking at women, would I mind being touched by a woman etc...and I go Hey! Buddy, I am not what you are thinking....believe me I would know!!! So he stops but the next few times whenever we talk he picks up the same thread...Are you into women...till it begins to get on my nerves....So I keep steering the topic to nicer things but sure enough he is not interested.
So I do the only thing there is to do - Say a polite Goodbye to him. I almost want to say goodbye to the idea of a dot com Shaadi but I think...What the heck...let's keep trying...maybe that someone is out there!Posted by Desi Gal on 01:38 AM
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
More of my story....
Should one date a younger man?
The other day I met someone, I was standing in a party when he walked up to me and started talking about Quantam theory...I looked at him bemused till he stopped and said "Oh! I must be boring you to tears!" I realized he had stopped and I managed to say "Not at all, that was fascinating as I studied Quantam theory too". OK I must admit I have something for geeky and nerdy people. There is something about their lost look and the theories they spout that brings out the protective female in me..Later I realized he and I shared many common interests - books, music, and more... It was so easy talking to him each time we met in any social gathering over the next few weeks..I really liked him very much, and it seemed he liked me too. I don't know if it was just as a friend from his side but I was definitely attracted to him..There was only one problem - he was 8 years younger...That kept me guessing, is he really interested or is he just being friendly because he finds me a nice person...He was a desi too so there was no way I could bring myself to try and discover more by making any suggestive moves...lest I appear aggressive and lose the friend I have because I wanted more. And then I kept thinking about the 8 year difference. Why could he not have been my age I thought...if I was a guy it would be still ok, after all there is an 8 year gap between my dad and mom and it dosen't even show...So why can I not think the same as a woman? I asked a married friend who did not know him about this dilemma and she only talked about some ZEE TV serial where there seems to be a similar story (Yes, we get ZEE USA!) and the woman is 10 years older. So the story so far is that the younger man at 30 is very much in the running than her at 40...and he seems to be a little disappointed to be with her now...I really did not want to hear ZEEisms...that too from a soap opera but the facts my friend told me did make sense...But why marriage or a serious relationship? Can one just make do with an affair or a fling? I thought.. although he is not the 'fling' type....Then I imagined myself hanging out with this guy and I could already feel the scorchers my friends would give me....I did not even think about what my parents or relatives would say if the news reached them in India...Of coure this was and still is purely rhetorical at this point ...as nothing happened...and it may never get to the point where it develops into something more even later, so its all conjecture...but it did make me wonder if something like this does come up in my life what should I do...and if younger is OK how much younger can he be...2 years? 4 years? or 8 years???
Women in America...Carrying on from where I left off:
OK i am coming in after a long hiatus ...I can say I was busy which I was but it was also a kind of mood where I did not feel like writing for some time..but without further ado let me carry on where I left off -So at the Women's Conference which I went to I was happy to see many professional women together in one room - there were CEOs, VPs of banks, financiers, other professionals and of course MBA students like me and several senior women were key note speakers. During the course of the day to my chagrin I found out that the women in America faced no different problems than in India. Many women who were senior bankers spoke about 'old boys networks' and the fact that they had to be better than men to get the same jobs. They were not complaining...in fact they were offering advice to the upcoming professionals. A couple of women had finally felt too stifled by the banking culture and needed to devote more time to their children so they had moved out of the banks - some of them became venture financiers and yet others became entreprenuers...Whatever we may say about how women now equal men, the bare fact is that most of the women had to compromise somewhere in their careers to look after their children rather than their partners. Then one recent banker talked about how she had found that in banking there was overt sexual harrassment at all levels. Almost all the women seemed to be in agreement. In fact, this young banker had already conducted an annonymous survey of the women in the banking industry and she found out that the harrasment existed at all levels without discrimination! This was a bit of an eye-opener for me as I previously thought that it would be different in this country, especially within the upper echelons. On the positive side it seemed like diversity had become more important for many companies but companies did not want to give concessions to women who may be mothers too...One can now argue why should the companies do so which would be correct, but this is also the reason why many women never reach the top of their profession. They choose to take a backseat somewhere along their career path, except those who are completely driven and may give the time to their career at the expense of their homes. In my personal opinion, a mother's presence is a unique component of character building for a child and to provide them with the emotional security to grow up as strong adults. With the no-options and no-compromise attitude of employer companies, the society will become increasingly fragmented and maybe more people will see their shrinks on a regular basis...but that is just my opinion as a Desi... I may be wrong...
.....and they say women in America are liberated!
Recently I was at a women's conference in New York in the heart of Manhattan. Essentially this conference was for the prominent women working in Wall Street. The conference itself was held at an old boy's club, a very prestigious club in Manhattan that was for the high-powered from an old Ivy league institute. They had liveried attendants at every door and the solemn tapestry laden surroundings spelt money and 'upper class' snobbery. Having rushed in from yet another rainy morning in Manhattan I needed to go to the restroom to freshen up. Looking for the 'ladies' bathroom I realized that this bathroom situated on mezannine floor must have been an after thought in the later years....it was evident that this club had been the domain of only men in the yesteryears. It was good, I thought that times had changed for the better and that an only women's conference was being held here now, even though by the location of the restroom one could tell that there were still more male members than female. ....(to be contd. later)
Black men are off limits...?
I was studying with Luna in a study room at school. Our rooms had glass fronts and Luna being one of the hottest girls on campus had to keep looking up to smile at men who would pass by and would lightly knock on the glass partition. I did have my share of 'friends' but Luna had many admirers as well. I had never seen her with a hair out of place or with her mascara smudged and she always wore classic outfits which accentuated her perfect figure. She is a warm and charming person too which added to her attraction as well as her glowing ebony skin. Since Luna kept smiling at people passing outside who were waving to her, I kept looking and watching too and soon we started exchanging notes about the passers by. Dean passed by and we agreed he was intelligent and hot. And then Kino popped in to chat with her for a minute and as soon as he left I said..he is so hot, is he your friend? She smiled and said, 'Yes! And girl, you seem to have a thing for black men' I said 'Yes ! I do I must admit...but the black men have been waving at you not me' She said 'That's true, but don't go and fall for a black man'. I said 'Why?' She said 'Honey! You're not the typical Indian girl are you...wanting a black man...' She told me that it there were not too many black men who came to Ivy League institutes to do their MBAs...and they were in demand...and black women considered that they had the first right to them. 'Honey, we have been losing our men to these white girls already...and now Indian girls want them too!', she joked. It was true that many ABCDs with darker skin did grow up identifying more with blacks than whites. But I knew of only a handful of Indians married to black people. This could also be because of the way the black society is set up...they are more religious and traditional than the white people in general and 'sticking together for one's brother/sister' is the norm. In some ways they seem to be almost clannish. 'It's a moot point really', I told Luna...since there are no black men who are after me right now! Luna laughed again and said "Good luck..I hope you get whoever it is you want" and we kept studying.....Recently Luna started going steady with a European man...and they seem really serious about each other...so now I figure it's only fair that I just keep looking for love as usual without letting the skin color or origin deter me...!
Another day and a pick up attempt....
Some days ago I made a trip to Washington (the State on the west coast and not the city as in D.C.)...and when I came back to the East I took a shuttle van home. I had barely settled into the van when the driver asked me..." Don't you live at XXX Street?" I said "Yes, I do. But how do you know?" And he told me that he had picked me a few weeks ago from home when I went somewhere else. We were waiting for some other people to come out of the airport and he kept talking. "So! You're Single?" I told him I was. He was a black man but from his accent it seemed he had probably come from an African country. He continued speaking " You're cute you know!" And I looked up for the first time from my book. "Oh" was all I could manage. "Thanks" I added not wanting to sound like a complete turn-off. I really didn't think I was beautiful or sexy but maybe 'cute' was true...I thought. But my monosyllabic replies did not deter the driver. He next asked me if I was looking for love...and having just come back from a trip feeling a little tired and nostalgic for home I said I was in a fashion. I started looking out of the window then when suddenly a piece of paper was thrust in front of my nose. "Call me, ok?" he said and then I realized he had given me his name and phone number. His name was Osa...maybe African, I don't know...I sat with almost frozen with the piece of paper in my hands when I saw the lady entering the van looking at me curiously. I quickly regained composure and tried to look down the rest of the way so that I wouldn't have to see Osa looking at me in the rear view mirror. When he turned in the wrong direction half way down, I realized he was probably trying to drop off everyone else who got in before he dropped me...not wanting an uncomfortable situation later... and having almost no luggage I got down with another passenger who was a few blocks from my home. 'Call me tonight" Osa whispered urgently as he handed me my suitcase and I handed him the tip. I came away feeling...ok at least SOMEONE finds me cute...but wondering yet again at how easy it was here to pick up people for sex here in the U.S. I am sure he did not want a relationship...but everyone knows how lonely you can be when you live alone and that is what they do. Probably in a society where the only way to meet and have relationships and eventually marry people is to put yourself out there..that is what people do. How will I cope I sometimes wonder...its been years since I had been touched by a man and I would like to be...but is this the way. While looking for love...I sometimes wonder how long it will take and if I should not be having some casual encounters on the way...as I am wasting the best years of my life alone. Sometimes I have this strong urge just to hold a warm male body tight for a few minutes...just to reassure myself someone who will love me is really out there somewhere... I was mortified with myself that I actually thought about Osa for a moment before I threw away his note...and about how if I ever did want to have a casual encounter how would I make sure the other person did not have AIDS or something like that....
The other day I met someone, I was standing in a party when he walked up to me and started talking about Quantam theory...I looked at him bemused till he stopped and said "Oh! I must be boring you to tears!" I realized he had stopped and I managed to say "Not at all, that was fascinating as I studied Quantam theory too". OK I must admit I have something for geeky and nerdy people. There is something about their lost look and the theories they spout that brings out the protective female in me..Later I realized he and I shared many common interests - books, music, and more... It was so easy talking to him each time we met in any social gathering over the next few weeks..I really liked him very much, and it seemed he liked me too. I don't know if it was just as a friend from his side but I was definitely attracted to him..There was only one problem - he was 8 years younger...That kept me guessing, is he really interested or is he just being friendly because he finds me a nice person...He was a desi too so there was no way I could bring myself to try and discover more by making any suggestive moves...lest I appear aggressive and lose the friend I have because I wanted more. And then I kept thinking about the 8 year difference. Why could he not have been my age I thought...if I was a guy it would be still ok, after all there is an 8 year gap between my dad and mom and it dosen't even show...So why can I not think the same as a woman? I asked a married friend who did not know him about this dilemma and she only talked about some ZEE TV serial where there seems to be a similar story (Yes, we get ZEE USA!) and the woman is 10 years older. So the story so far is that the younger man at 30 is very much in the running than her at 40...and he seems to be a little disappointed to be with her now...I really did not want to hear ZEEisms...that too from a soap opera but the facts my friend told me did make sense...But why marriage or a serious relationship? Can one just make do with an affair or a fling? I thought.. although he is not the 'fling' type....Then I imagined myself hanging out with this guy and I could already feel the scorchers my friends would give me....I did not even think about what my parents or relatives would say if the news reached them in India...Of coure this was and still is purely rhetorical at this point ...as nothing happened...and it may never get to the point where it develops into something more even later, so its all conjecture...but it did make me wonder if something like this does come up in my life what should I do...and if younger is OK how much younger can he be...2 years? 4 years? or 8 years???
Women in America...Carrying on from where I left off:
OK i am coming in after a long hiatus ...I can say I was busy which I was but it was also a kind of mood where I did not feel like writing for some time..but without further ado let me carry on where I left off -So at the Women's Conference which I went to I was happy to see many professional women together in one room - there were CEOs, VPs of banks, financiers, other professionals and of course MBA students like me and several senior women were key note speakers. During the course of the day to my chagrin I found out that the women in America faced no different problems than in India. Many women who were senior bankers spoke about 'old boys networks' and the fact that they had to be better than men to get the same jobs. They were not complaining...in fact they were offering advice to the upcoming professionals. A couple of women had finally felt too stifled by the banking culture and needed to devote more time to their children so they had moved out of the banks - some of them became venture financiers and yet others became entreprenuers...Whatever we may say about how women now equal men, the bare fact is that most of the women had to compromise somewhere in their careers to look after their children rather than their partners. Then one recent banker talked about how she had found that in banking there was overt sexual harrassment at all levels. Almost all the women seemed to be in agreement. In fact, this young banker had already conducted an annonymous survey of the women in the banking industry and she found out that the harrasment existed at all levels without discrimination! This was a bit of an eye-opener for me as I previously thought that it would be different in this country, especially within the upper echelons. On the positive side it seemed like diversity had become more important for many companies but companies did not want to give concessions to women who may be mothers too...One can now argue why should the companies do so which would be correct, but this is also the reason why many women never reach the top of their profession. They choose to take a backseat somewhere along their career path, except those who are completely driven and may give the time to their career at the expense of their homes. In my personal opinion, a mother's presence is a unique component of character building for a child and to provide them with the emotional security to grow up as strong adults. With the no-options and no-compromise attitude of employer companies, the society will become increasingly fragmented and maybe more people will see their shrinks on a regular basis...but that is just my opinion as a Desi... I may be wrong...
.....and they say women in America are liberated!
Recently I was at a women's conference in New York in the heart of Manhattan. Essentially this conference was for the prominent women working in Wall Street. The conference itself was held at an old boy's club, a very prestigious club in Manhattan that was for the high-powered from an old Ivy league institute. They had liveried attendants at every door and the solemn tapestry laden surroundings spelt money and 'upper class' snobbery. Having rushed in from yet another rainy morning in Manhattan I needed to go to the restroom to freshen up. Looking for the 'ladies' bathroom I realized that this bathroom situated on mezannine floor must have been an after thought in the later years....it was evident that this club had been the domain of only men in the yesteryears. It was good, I thought that times had changed for the better and that an only women's conference was being held here now, even though by the location of the restroom one could tell that there were still more male members than female. ....(to be contd. later)
Black men are off limits...?
I was studying with Luna in a study room at school. Our rooms had glass fronts and Luna being one of the hottest girls on campus had to keep looking up to smile at men who would pass by and would lightly knock on the glass partition. I did have my share of 'friends' but Luna had many admirers as well. I had never seen her with a hair out of place or with her mascara smudged and she always wore classic outfits which accentuated her perfect figure. She is a warm and charming person too which added to her attraction as well as her glowing ebony skin. Since Luna kept smiling at people passing outside who were waving to her, I kept looking and watching too and soon we started exchanging notes about the passers by. Dean passed by and we agreed he was intelligent and hot. And then Kino popped in to chat with her for a minute and as soon as he left I said..he is so hot, is he your friend? She smiled and said, 'Yes! And girl, you seem to have a thing for black men' I said 'Yes ! I do I must admit...but the black men have been waving at you not me' She said 'That's true, but don't go and fall for a black man'. I said 'Why?' She said 'Honey! You're not the typical Indian girl are you...wanting a black man...' She told me that it there were not too many black men who came to Ivy League institutes to do their MBAs...and they were in demand...and black women considered that they had the first right to them. 'Honey, we have been losing our men to these white girls already...and now Indian girls want them too!', she joked. It was true that many ABCDs with darker skin did grow up identifying more with blacks than whites. But I knew of only a handful of Indians married to black people. This could also be because of the way the black society is set up...they are more religious and traditional than the white people in general and 'sticking together for one's brother/sister' is the norm. In some ways they seem to be almost clannish. 'It's a moot point really', I told Luna...since there are no black men who are after me right now! Luna laughed again and said "Good luck..I hope you get whoever it is you want" and we kept studying.....Recently Luna started going steady with a European man...and they seem really serious about each other...so now I figure it's only fair that I just keep looking for love as usual without letting the skin color or origin deter me...!
Another day and a pick up attempt....
Some days ago I made a trip to Washington (the State on the west coast and not the city as in D.C.)...and when I came back to the East I took a shuttle van home. I had barely settled into the van when the driver asked me..." Don't you live at XXX Street?" I said "Yes, I do. But how do you know?" And he told me that he had picked me a few weeks ago from home when I went somewhere else. We were waiting for some other people to come out of the airport and he kept talking. "So! You're Single?" I told him I was. He was a black man but from his accent it seemed he had probably come from an African country. He continued speaking " You're cute you know!" And I looked up for the first time from my book. "Oh" was all I could manage. "Thanks" I added not wanting to sound like a complete turn-off. I really didn't think I was beautiful or sexy but maybe 'cute' was true...I thought. But my monosyllabic replies did not deter the driver. He next asked me if I was looking for love...and having just come back from a trip feeling a little tired and nostalgic for home I said I was in a fashion. I started looking out of the window then when suddenly a piece of paper was thrust in front of my nose. "Call me, ok?" he said and then I realized he had given me his name and phone number. His name was Osa...maybe African, I don't know...I sat with almost frozen with the piece of paper in my hands when I saw the lady entering the van looking at me curiously. I quickly regained composure and tried to look down the rest of the way so that I wouldn't have to see Osa looking at me in the rear view mirror. When he turned in the wrong direction half way down, I realized he was probably trying to drop off everyone else who got in before he dropped me...not wanting an uncomfortable situation later... and having almost no luggage I got down with another passenger who was a few blocks from my home. 'Call me tonight" Osa whispered urgently as he handed me my suitcase and I handed him the tip. I came away feeling...ok at least SOMEONE finds me cute...but wondering yet again at how easy it was here to pick up people for sex here in the U.S. I am sure he did not want a relationship...but everyone knows how lonely you can be when you live alone and that is what they do. Probably in a society where the only way to meet and have relationships and eventually marry people is to put yourself out there..that is what people do. How will I cope I sometimes wonder...its been years since I had been touched by a man and I would like to be...but is this the way. While looking for love...I sometimes wonder how long it will take and if I should not be having some casual encounters on the way...as I am wasting the best years of my life alone. Sometimes I have this strong urge just to hold a warm male body tight for a few minutes...just to reassure myself someone who will love me is really out there somewhere... I was mortified with myself that I actually thought about Osa for a moment before I threw away his note...and about how if I ever did want to have a casual encounter how would I make sure the other person did not have AIDS or something like that....
Monday, July 05, 2004
The story so far...
Starting from where I left off...
As we entered the club I had to take off my jacket as it was incredibly hot inside...due to the crush of bodies..and I was feeling very self conscious in my knee length and sleeveless black dress having never worn such a dress in India. But then I looked around. Some girls were wearing almost nothing on top anyway, so I started feeling more comfortable.
"Lets Salsa" said Joe and walked out on the empty dance floor. The Russian just smiled politely and stood in the corner not wanting to be labled as 'Joe's girl for the night' yet! So I walked out on the floor with Joe and tried to learn Salsa. He did not know much but he was at least willing to make a spectacle of himself. Soon other people joined in too and started trying more adventurous stuff. So we had a good crowd out on the floor now and Joe was somewhere in the middle teaching some people. I was very thirsty by now so I looked around for someone who might get me a drink from the bar as there seemed to be a frenzied mob around it...but no, I did not see anyone who looked the least bit interested in getting me a drink so I pushed thru the crowd to the bar and got myself an overpriced beer. I realized that there were other floors in the club and decided to explore...So I want to the top floor but that was full of recliners and couples reclining on them either kissing away or trying to get familiar enough to start kissing away...there seemed to be no people in the singular like me so I headed to the basement with my drink. Any thing to escape the crowd on the ground floor!
The basement was merrier with rock and pop music which seemed more familiar to me and people were just dancing in groups. I joined in and soon someone came over to me and said "care to dance with me". I said "Yes!" and we started a dance. I was doing the formal dance that you do in a club with a guy that you don't really know and are not sure about. He tried to bring me closer when the music changed to a slower number but I could just not let go. Everytime his hand brushed mine I would stiffen and he said "Indian? You are very shy!" This was not what I wanted to hear...but it looked as if he was a little drunk...Soon I heard a girl whisper to another..."He's married, no use" looking in his direction...Just my luck I thought..."Are you married I asked" and he said "Oh yes! My wife will be joining me here soon, she could not get away from her job so I flew over to the U.S. alone..I'm missing her tonight" ...and that was that...I had wasted all my time dancing with this guy while all the other girls who knew better did not waste their time...but I had to admit that I did have fun! ...Oh well...I have all the time to look for true love, I thought and finally relaxed and started dancing the night away...
Posted: July 04, 2004
Waiting....to exhale..
So after coming back from the club that night alone I wondered what I really wanted in life. I decided to let myself go, be more spontaneous and not hold myself back by imposing silly rules and limits on myself. And another night I put on a little black dress and went to another school party..this time one thrown by the Latino club on campus. Their parties were usually crowded, with salsa music and people showing off bare skin and this time they even promised exotic dancers...the clothed kind of course!
So while leaving from our campus, as we had a class dinner before the party on campus, I bumped into a guy who I had just talked to briefly while standing in line to get my dinner plate. His name was Joe and he was heading there as well...and we decided to cab down together. Wow! I thought as here was another handsome guy who seemed really interested in me. I wasn't quite sure which country he was from and I thought I would ask him on the way. And just then, this sexy Russian female we have in our class walked down the stairs in a leopard-skin look alike short skirt and purred, Hello! Are you all headed to the club for the party. We said yes and she took the Joe's arm. I realized from their conversation that Joe was interested in her and had struck up a conversation with her at dinner...but probably because she wasn't sure about him then she must have decided to keep looking for a club date...it was my bad luck that she found no one and caught us as we were just leaving. I would like to mention here that we had a very large class of about a 1000 people and since we were all new we did not yet know everyone..
On the way to the club I somehow managed to sit in the middle of the two people and therefore I tried to make polite conversation, "So are you enjoying the club scene here at school?" I asked the Russian girl. "Oh! yes, it's nice...I wish my partner could have come with me today, she was really interested in coming since she is here in the city, but she was busy"" Oh! She's a lesbian" I thought feeling relieved, now I could feel better about Joe. So I followed up her comment by saying" I am sorry she could not come, so she is not coming to live with you here while you are at school?" The Russian gave me a strange look, "Why should she? She is the one managing the business while I am away at school since she is my business partner""Oh! Sorry" I said blushing..."I thought she was your partner!" ..."Oh! did you think so...and she giggled while giving a 'look' over my head to Joe who had been quiet all this time. He laughed too and I wished myself somewhere else altogether...... (to be contd.)
Posted: July 04, 2004
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Saturday, July 03, 2004
My search for someone more than a friend...
I started graduate school some time ago. One long term relationship I had in my life had ended a year ago and had been rocky for quite some time before that. I was shaky still, but looking for someone. I was hoping to find someone who would begin as a friend and then maybe mean something more to me...
There were people from many countries in my class...many of them Indian..but many were married, engaged or already had girl friends. And somehow the Indians considered the girls in their school too independent and too much like them to be seriously interested for a longer term relationships. And the American Indians or the so called ABCDs? Well they wanted to have nothing to do with FOBs (Fresh off Boat) and tried to stay as far away as possible. So while I made many Indian friends who were males, there wasn't anyone I found a spark with.
So I kept looking..I would go to school parties, chat with many people, dance with some and come back to my own apartment. All this while the people born and brought up in America were hooking up. The clubs closed at 2 AM and at 1 AM or so people would finally decide who they liked. Since those days we had just started school and no one really knew anyone very well, people used to come alone but many left in pairs. It was funny to see that the Americans (and I include all people born in America here, not only the white people) were most comfortable with this scene....and most of them used to leave early if they found someone or did not want to hook up that night but the 'serious' ones usually hung on...making moves and partying together and figuring out if they really wanted to go home with that person at 2AM.
Once I went to a school party to welcome back the senior students with Myra a friend from Hong Kong, she was also looking like me....this was a big club which could accomodate a thousand people and was on 3 floors. She decided to go upstairs when she did not find anyone she like on the floor we were on. It was extremely crowded so I lost her the moment she squeezed into the crowd...and since I had told her I would wait for her at the entrance at 2 AM I waited in the club. The only person who tried to pick me up was a guy who had a reputation for being a slippery sort of character in school...he was from Pakistan but had lived in Singapore for a long time...I was rather afraid of him and what he might want to do and so I walked away telling him that I needed to powder my nose.
I soon lost myself in the crowd and then danced with a couple of people from school who asked me...one very cute...Brian...he was possibly the best looking black man at School, very handsome and well built..but I knew that he was much younger than me and somehow I could never bring myself to be seriously interested in a much younger guy. Maybe it was just my middle class upbringing in India but the moment I met a man I would always weigh him on the marriage scale....and more than 2 years younger was a little hard for me to accept even though I saw people around me never discussing age at all. So I danced with Brian, wondering if Myra had met some one she liked upstairs. I was so drawn to Brian as he was incredibly good looking and incredibly well built but I kept telling myself that he was only dancing with me as he was a friendly soul and saw me standing alone. Why in the world would he be interested in me...I think Brian sensed this...as I just could not loosen up while dancing with him and after sometime I excused myself as I did not want him to see how much I liked him. So he went on to other girls..and danced with them while I watched. I wanted to leave but Myra was no where to be found. And at 1AM when the hook up game started and people started kissing on the dance floor I got worried.....Where was Myra I wondered.
To my misfortune I saw the guy I had tried to lose walking towards me. But he too sensed I wasn't interested so he just said 'Hi...nice dance with Brian'. I thought I would ask him where Myra was since he knew her and everyone knew he had a thing for Asian girls...and he told me that she had gotten too drunk and they had called her a cab and that is why she left without telling me. Now I was stuck here. Calling a cab alone was too expensive and I was after all a student so I went and talked to the other girls. Shanna who lived in my building told me she would go back with me...and so I waited. So at 2AM when they turned on the lights Shanna was still sitting with her arm around a guy and did not look ready to go. So are we leaving now? I asked...and she said with her beautiful smile..."Just one minute, sweetie" and smiled up at the guy.
The club bouncer finally intervened at 2:15 AM and ordered us out of the club. So I stood wondering what I was doing here outside on the pavement with the 'just-hooked up' couples and feeling lost. Mark, the guy with Shanna kept telling her...show me how you move your belly...and she would do her belly dance movements for him since she had been learning this dance for several years. I looked on wondering what next, when Shanna came up to me and said in her melodious voice. Sorry, sweetie, but we decided to go to Mark's place and he will call you a cab now...And the cab came and I sat in it...feeling like an idiot. I could have done this an hour ago and not been shamed like this as the only one going home alone at 3AM in the night....
Posted: July 03, 2004
Shades of black
I discovered an odd thing about me when I was young. I discovered I liked the ebony skin color. Since we did not have MTV at that time in India, the only place where I did see black people (sorry I am not going to be PC) was behind the cover of magazines. Ads for 'United Colors of Bennetton'. I would stare at the ads - one showed a black baby with a white baby where the black baby was depicted as a devil and the white as an angel. The white baby had beautiful blue eyes and was very cute and chubby but I found myself drawn to the black one with mesmerizing black eyes and that wonderful glowing ebony skin. What was wrong with me I thought...and since this blog is read by mostly Indians I don't have to explain why I thought what was wrong with me...India is obsessed with skin color.."Don't go out in the sun too much" my mother would say, " You will turn black and then we will have trouble marrying you off"...And this was a fact of life. Times of India and HT used to be full of advertisements wanting 'very fair' brides and when we did advertize for a cousin sister we chose 'very fair' though she was wheatish. You had 'very very fair' which you used for a truly fair person and there was 'extremely fair' which was somewhere in between. And it was odd that growing up in a household where all elders denoted fairness to be a sign of beauty, I was attracted to the black skin. So I kept it a secret...never told even my friends that I found blacks attractive, what was the point anyway....there were almost no black people in India...but among my the boys in my college I would sneak more looks at those with the swarthy skin, of course they had to be atractive in other ways as well!
Posted: July 02, 2004
What color are we Indians?
Some time ago I was sitting with my team working on a school project. Graduate school to do my MBA. So we were working on this Corporate Finance case at 2 AM and getting really tired so we started talking. And Jeff asked Kim, "So how many colored people are there in your Cohort (same as Class in India)?" She belonged to the same Cohort as I did and she said, Three! It took me by surprise. Just a year ago we had a diversity workshop when we entered this fine Ivy league institution and as a part of the workshop we had some speakers who had spoken about "people of color". They used it as an all encompassing term to include African Americans, Chinese Americans, Hispanic and Asians and maybe some more. And here was my team mate Kim who is an African American (as was Jeff and the rest of the team except me) telling him we had just 3 colored people in our cohort - as she actually meant to say 'black' people as almost half our cohort is International with people from many different countries. And I asked her half jokingly half-serious, " So what am I?" I am not White I know that much for sure, and now it seems I am not colored....What color am I really?
She just grinned back sheepishly and said "You know what we meant!" But I did not really.
You have so many labels in the U.S. in the quest to be "politically correct" or PC. All the black people are now African Americans. They may have been born in America and consider it their nation but to describe them it is PC to say African-American. So what about the Africans in my school? There is Leah who is white but identifies as an African since she lived there...but then she is not African-American now after moving to America...and there are people who came to study here from Africa and will be going back there but are suddenly African-American. It's confusing...for an Indian. Why did the black people choose to be called African-Americans rather than just Americans? If this is just a substitute for the dreaded word 'Black' then the difference is purely semantic. So while publicly people try to be PC and include black, off-white, yellow and brown in the term "people of color" privately it seems to mean just one thing....and the rest of us...well I guess we will have to figure out what color are we really...
Posted: July 02, 2004
Hello you,
I am just a confused desi in America...born in India...moved to U.S. and trying to understand the dating scene here as a single woman..looking for the elusive 'soul mate' ...these are my rantings...the diary I thought I would write never was written ..so this is going to be about things I might have written in there...things I want to think about and examine, maybe as an onlooker....perhaps putting my thoughts down here will help me examine them better and maybe I will figure out the meaning of life...maybe...but meanwhile here it is...the unvarnished version ....and not about love mostly...cause you see I am still looking....
Posted: July 01, 2004
As we entered the club I had to take off my jacket as it was incredibly hot inside...due to the crush of bodies..and I was feeling very self conscious in my knee length and sleeveless black dress having never worn such a dress in India. But then I looked around. Some girls were wearing almost nothing on top anyway, so I started feeling more comfortable.
"Lets Salsa" said Joe and walked out on the empty dance floor. The Russian just smiled politely and stood in the corner not wanting to be labled as 'Joe's girl for the night' yet! So I walked out on the floor with Joe and tried to learn Salsa. He did not know much but he was at least willing to make a spectacle of himself. Soon other people joined in too and started trying more adventurous stuff. So we had a good crowd out on the floor now and Joe was somewhere in the middle teaching some people. I was very thirsty by now so I looked around for someone who might get me a drink from the bar as there seemed to be a frenzied mob around it...but no, I did not see anyone who looked the least bit interested in getting me a drink so I pushed thru the crowd to the bar and got myself an overpriced beer. I realized that there were other floors in the club and decided to explore...So I want to the top floor but that was full of recliners and couples reclining on them either kissing away or trying to get familiar enough to start kissing away...there seemed to be no people in the singular like me so I headed to the basement with my drink. Any thing to escape the crowd on the ground floor!
The basement was merrier with rock and pop music which seemed more familiar to me and people were just dancing in groups. I joined in and soon someone came over to me and said "care to dance with me". I said "Yes!" and we started a dance. I was doing the formal dance that you do in a club with a guy that you don't really know and are not sure about. He tried to bring me closer when the music changed to a slower number but I could just not let go. Everytime his hand brushed mine I would stiffen and he said "Indian? You are very shy!" This was not what I wanted to hear...but it looked as if he was a little drunk...Soon I heard a girl whisper to another..."He's married, no use" looking in his direction...Just my luck I thought..."Are you married I asked" and he said "Oh yes! My wife will be joining me here soon, she could not get away from her job so I flew over to the U.S. alone..I'm missing her tonight" ...and that was that...I had wasted all my time dancing with this guy while all the other girls who knew better did not waste their time...but I had to admit that I did have fun! ...Oh well...I have all the time to look for true love, I thought and finally relaxed and started dancing the night away...
Posted: July 04, 2004
Waiting....to exhale..
So after coming back from the club that night alone I wondered what I really wanted in life. I decided to let myself go, be more spontaneous and not hold myself back by imposing silly rules and limits on myself. And another night I put on a little black dress and went to another school party..this time one thrown by the Latino club on campus. Their parties were usually crowded, with salsa music and people showing off bare skin and this time they even promised exotic dancers...the clothed kind of course!
So while leaving from our campus, as we had a class dinner before the party on campus, I bumped into a guy who I had just talked to briefly while standing in line to get my dinner plate. His name was Joe and he was heading there as well...and we decided to cab down together. Wow! I thought as here was another handsome guy who seemed really interested in me. I wasn't quite sure which country he was from and I thought I would ask him on the way. And just then, this sexy Russian female we have in our class walked down the stairs in a leopard-skin look alike short skirt and purred, Hello! Are you all headed to the club for the party. We said yes and she took the Joe's arm. I realized from their conversation that Joe was interested in her and had struck up a conversation with her at dinner...but probably because she wasn't sure about him then she must have decided to keep looking for a club date...it was my bad luck that she found no one and caught us as we were just leaving. I would like to mention here that we had a very large class of about a 1000 people and since we were all new we did not yet know everyone..
On the way to the club I somehow managed to sit in the middle of the two people and therefore I tried to make polite conversation, "So are you enjoying the club scene here at school?" I asked the Russian girl. "Oh! yes, it's nice...I wish my partner could have come with me today, she was really interested in coming since she is here in the city, but she was busy"" Oh! She's a lesbian" I thought feeling relieved, now I could feel better about Joe. So I followed up her comment by saying" I am sorry she could not come, so she is not coming to live with you here while you are at school?" The Russian gave me a strange look, "Why should she? She is the one managing the business while I am away at school since she is my business partner""Oh! Sorry" I said blushing..."I thought she was your partner!" ..."Oh! did you think so...and she giggled while giving a 'look' over my head to Joe who had been quiet all this time. He laughed too and I wished myself somewhere else altogether...... (to be contd.)
Posted: July 04, 2004
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Saturday, July 03, 2004
My search for someone more than a friend...
I started graduate school some time ago. One long term relationship I had in my life had ended a year ago and had been rocky for quite some time before that. I was shaky still, but looking for someone. I was hoping to find someone who would begin as a friend and then maybe mean something more to me...
There were people from many countries in my class...many of them Indian..but many were married, engaged or already had girl friends. And somehow the Indians considered the girls in their school too independent and too much like them to be seriously interested for a longer term relationships. And the American Indians or the so called ABCDs? Well they wanted to have nothing to do with FOBs (Fresh off Boat) and tried to stay as far away as possible. So while I made many Indian friends who were males, there wasn't anyone I found a spark with.
So I kept looking..I would go to school parties, chat with many people, dance with some and come back to my own apartment. All this while the people born and brought up in America were hooking up. The clubs closed at 2 AM and at 1 AM or so people would finally decide who they liked. Since those days we had just started school and no one really knew anyone very well, people used to come alone but many left in pairs. It was funny to see that the Americans (and I include all people born in America here, not only the white people) were most comfortable with this scene....and most of them used to leave early if they found someone or did not want to hook up that night but the 'serious' ones usually hung on...making moves and partying together and figuring out if they really wanted to go home with that person at 2AM.
Once I went to a school party to welcome back the senior students with Myra a friend from Hong Kong, she was also looking like me....this was a big club which could accomodate a thousand people and was on 3 floors. She decided to go upstairs when she did not find anyone she like on the floor we were on. It was extremely crowded so I lost her the moment she squeezed into the crowd...and since I had told her I would wait for her at the entrance at 2 AM I waited in the club. The only person who tried to pick me up was a guy who had a reputation for being a slippery sort of character in school...he was from Pakistan but had lived in Singapore for a long time...I was rather afraid of him and what he might want to do and so I walked away telling him that I needed to powder my nose.
I soon lost myself in the crowd and then danced with a couple of people from school who asked me...one very cute...Brian...he was possibly the best looking black man at School, very handsome and well built..but I knew that he was much younger than me and somehow I could never bring myself to be seriously interested in a much younger guy. Maybe it was just my middle class upbringing in India but the moment I met a man I would always weigh him on the marriage scale....and more than 2 years younger was a little hard for me to accept even though I saw people around me never discussing age at all. So I danced with Brian, wondering if Myra had met some one she liked upstairs. I was so drawn to Brian as he was incredibly good looking and incredibly well built but I kept telling myself that he was only dancing with me as he was a friendly soul and saw me standing alone. Why in the world would he be interested in me...I think Brian sensed this...as I just could not loosen up while dancing with him and after sometime I excused myself as I did not want him to see how much I liked him. So he went on to other girls..and danced with them while I watched. I wanted to leave but Myra was no where to be found. And at 1AM when the hook up game started and people started kissing on the dance floor I got worried.....Where was Myra I wondered.
To my misfortune I saw the guy I had tried to lose walking towards me. But he too sensed I wasn't interested so he just said 'Hi...nice dance with Brian'. I thought I would ask him where Myra was since he knew her and everyone knew he had a thing for Asian girls...and he told me that she had gotten too drunk and they had called her a cab and that is why she left without telling me. Now I was stuck here. Calling a cab alone was too expensive and I was after all a student so I went and talked to the other girls. Shanna who lived in my building told me she would go back with me...and so I waited. So at 2AM when they turned on the lights Shanna was still sitting with her arm around a guy and did not look ready to go. So are we leaving now? I asked...and she said with her beautiful smile..."Just one minute, sweetie" and smiled up at the guy.
The club bouncer finally intervened at 2:15 AM and ordered us out of the club. So I stood wondering what I was doing here outside on the pavement with the 'just-hooked up' couples and feeling lost. Mark, the guy with Shanna kept telling her...show me how you move your belly...and she would do her belly dance movements for him since she had been learning this dance for several years. I looked on wondering what next, when Shanna came up to me and said in her melodious voice. Sorry, sweetie, but we decided to go to Mark's place and he will call you a cab now...And the cab came and I sat in it...feeling like an idiot. I could have done this an hour ago and not been shamed like this as the only one going home alone at 3AM in the night....
Posted: July 03, 2004
Shades of black
I discovered an odd thing about me when I was young. I discovered I liked the ebony skin color. Since we did not have MTV at that time in India, the only place where I did see black people (sorry I am not going to be PC) was behind the cover of magazines. Ads for 'United Colors of Bennetton'. I would stare at the ads - one showed a black baby with a white baby where the black baby was depicted as a devil and the white as an angel. The white baby had beautiful blue eyes and was very cute and chubby but I found myself drawn to the black one with mesmerizing black eyes and that wonderful glowing ebony skin. What was wrong with me I thought...and since this blog is read by mostly Indians I don't have to explain why I thought what was wrong with me...India is obsessed with skin color.."Don't go out in the sun too much" my mother would say, " You will turn black and then we will have trouble marrying you off"...And this was a fact of life. Times of India and HT used to be full of advertisements wanting 'very fair' brides and when we did advertize for a cousin sister we chose 'very fair' though she was wheatish. You had 'very very fair' which you used for a truly fair person and there was 'extremely fair' which was somewhere in between. And it was odd that growing up in a household where all elders denoted fairness to be a sign of beauty, I was attracted to the black skin. So I kept it a secret...never told even my friends that I found blacks attractive, what was the point anyway....there were almost no black people in India...but among my the boys in my college I would sneak more looks at those with the swarthy skin, of course they had to be atractive in other ways as well!
Posted: July 02, 2004
What color are we Indians?
Some time ago I was sitting with my team working on a school project. Graduate school to do my MBA. So we were working on this Corporate Finance case at 2 AM and getting really tired so we started talking. And Jeff asked Kim, "So how many colored people are there in your Cohort (same as Class in India)?" She belonged to the same Cohort as I did and she said, Three! It took me by surprise. Just a year ago we had a diversity workshop when we entered this fine Ivy league institution and as a part of the workshop we had some speakers who had spoken about "people of color". They used it as an all encompassing term to include African Americans, Chinese Americans, Hispanic and Asians and maybe some more. And here was my team mate Kim who is an African American (as was Jeff and the rest of the team except me) telling him we had just 3 colored people in our cohort - as she actually meant to say 'black' people as almost half our cohort is International with people from many different countries. And I asked her half jokingly half-serious, " So what am I?" I am not White I know that much for sure, and now it seems I am not colored....What color am I really?
She just grinned back sheepishly and said "You know what we meant!" But I did not really.
You have so many labels in the U.S. in the quest to be "politically correct" or PC. All the black people are now African Americans. They may have been born in America and consider it their nation but to describe them it is PC to say African-American. So what about the Africans in my school? There is Leah who is white but identifies as an African since she lived there...but then she is not African-American now after moving to America...and there are people who came to study here from Africa and will be going back there but are suddenly African-American. It's confusing...for an Indian. Why did the black people choose to be called African-Americans rather than just Americans? If this is just a substitute for the dreaded word 'Black' then the difference is purely semantic. So while publicly people try to be PC and include black, off-white, yellow and brown in the term "people of color" privately it seems to mean just one thing....and the rest of us...well I guess we will have to figure out what color are we really...
Posted: July 02, 2004
Hello you,
I am just a confused desi in America...born in India...moved to U.S. and trying to understand the dating scene here as a single woman..looking for the elusive 'soul mate' ...these are my rantings...the diary I thought I would write never was written ..so this is going to be about things I might have written in there...things I want to think about and examine, maybe as an onlooker....perhaps putting my thoughts down here will help me examine them better and maybe I will figure out the meaning of life...maybe...but meanwhile here it is...the unvarnished version ....and not about love mostly...cause you see I am still looking....
Posted: July 01, 2004
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